Relationships: Why Do Some Men Pull Away After Sex?

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If this happens after a one night stand, there is going to be the chance that this will create pain, but there is going to be more of an expectation that this will happen. Yes, it can be frustrating at first, but sooner or later, you will be thanking your stars for not pushing through with a relationship that was never meant to be in the first place. The best way to approach dating is to keep your options open. We got along really well on the phone before the date which created a comfort level.

But right after the first night I had sex with him he never replied after. I really miss him and want a relationship with him: I feel so stupid for having sex w him cause after that he changed…he still is very nice but thats it. Both partners are happy to be there, and being around each other makes each feel happier, so the relationship continues to get stronger.

Why Do Men Pull Away After Sex?

When two people come together with the intention of having a relationship or just the desire to spend time together, it is generally going to lead to them having sex. And this could be something that both of them equally want to experience or something that one of them is more attached to than the other. A woman can want to get to this point just as fast, if not faster, than a man can. So this is not black and white and can work both ways; especially as women are a lot more liberated sexually than they used to be. However, while times have changed and women can express themselves in ways that they could not do before, not everything has changed. What has occurred for many, many years is not going to be wiped out over night. Expectations There are still external expectations in regards to how a man and a woman should behave. And these exist externally, through being part of the fabric of society itself. And internally, with what society has told men and women about how they should be. This also includes the conditioning that they have picked up from friends and throughout their childhood years. So as much as one can want to move away from these expectations, it is not always as easy as just moving on and doing what one wants. There is likely to be resistance and conflict can arise. Sex At one point, sex was seen by some as something that people did when they were married. And while some people still stand by this, for the majority of people, it no longer applies. It is then not important if one is in a relationship with the other person or if they will see them again. All that matters is that it feels right and one enjoys themselves. Some people see this as an example of people being empowered and liberated, while others see it as lack of self respect and self control. Common Pattern And one of the common challenges that a woman will face, even though times have changed, is that why do men pull away after intimacy they have had sex with a man, the man will pull away. If this happens after a why do men pull away after intimacy night stand, there is going to be the chance that this will create pain, but there is going to be more of an expectation that this will happen. When this relates to when a women is seeing the man or at the beginning of a relationship, there the potential for this behaviour to be even more confusing. And because there is the chance that a woman is going to be more emotionally attached at this point, it is going to be even harder to accept. Purpose On one side, having sex might seem like the next step for them to take and be something that the woman wants to experience. And if woman likes the man, then why not go to this next step. Another reason for having sex will be to experience a deeper connection with the man and to bond with them. Sex releases oxytocin and this is generally described as the love chemical. So through doing this, there is a strong chance that a woman will feel closer to the man. Confusion So if a woman does end up feeling a deeper connection, with the expectation that the man will experience the same thing, it can be confusing for the man to more or less disappear. Especially if the man has let it be known that he wants sex and has put in some much effort to go to this stage. Instead of getting closer and experiencing a deeper connection, it has resulted in more distance being created and a weaker connection. Reasons Now there is going to be all kinds of reasons as to why a man would pull away. And when a man and a woman have sex, the masculine is embracing the feminine, at least physically speaking. So based on appearances, a man could feel smothered and engulfed through being so close to the feminine form. Conscious And Unconscious Behaviour However, there is a clear difference between needing space and consciously expressing this to a woman and needing space and expressing this unconsciously. In the first example, one would vocalise this and in the second example, it could be done through them going silent and cutting off all communication. While human beings are often seen as acting from a place of logic, at their deepest level, they are emotional beings. Boundaries If a man had good boundaries, there would not be the need to disappear after sex. He would be able to get close to a woman without feeling overwhelmed or smothered. And this could have been a mother that had poor boundaries herself. So as a young boy, the man could have been: trapped, smothered, overwhelmed and engulfed. And when he gets close to a woman again, these are triggered and he then pulls away without consciously knowing what is taking place. This behaviour is then a conditioned reflex and a way to avoid experiencing these feelings once more. On one why do men pull away after intimacy there is the need to get close to a woman, but on the other side, it reminds him of his mother. It is then no so much about what is taking place externally, as it is about what is going on inside the man. Awareness What steps a woman can take will all depend on how aware the man is and if he is willing to face his emotional history. Another option would be for the woman to take a look at her own outlook towards intimacy. As if she is constantly attracting men who are like this, then they are simply mirroring back her own fear of intimacy. I think I have been just choosing the wrong guys, cause at some point you feel like it's you are the problem. I find myself in relationships, where I'm trying to be so good to a guy, trying to hard to show them love and they don't want it. But they would rather mistreated for a woman that treats them like crap Hello Deloris, thanks for getting in touch. The main thing is you are aware that you're choosing the wrong guys. What I would suggest is for you to look at what is taking place within you, to see why you keep attracting the same kind of guys. There are a number of articles on the women's psychology section that may assist you. Hi Oliver, I love this article, thankyou. I have a good friend who I have known for a few years and who has been a huge support through my marriage breakdown and subsequent dating adventures. After a few too many about a month ago I ended up back at his house and we slept together. Our texting and emailing continued with me expressing how I didn't want to change our friendship etc he assured me if we were on the same page it wouldn't. I wanted to slow things physically which he was fine with so we why do men pull away after intimacy. Then just a few days ago we got together again, deliberately and sober. In the past when discussing other girls and in our discussions he has made a big deal of not wanting a relationship which I have wholeheartedly agreed with. He did email me yesterday before I had contacted him about something inane and work related. However after texting him yesterday afternoon it was a very delayed response from him as opposed to his usual 10 mins and then nothing. Is he just withdrawing into his manly world. I am so concerned I have lost his friendship. Despite his womanizer ways if he was going to ditch me after sex wouldn't why do men pull away after intimacy have done so a month ago or after I wanted to slow things down. I would have been too much effort when he'd already 'gotten what he wanted'. I live in a big city on the east coast. He contacted me from an online ad and was all over it. We got along really well on the phone before the date which created a comfort level. Before the first date even he said he felt we had a spiritual connection Oh boy. I was skeptical and cautious and felt like this was probably just another dead end from the online world. He lived an hour via train outside the main urban area where I live. He has been divorced for 6 years and in a what I gather a bad relationship for 4 years, that ended this past February maybe too soon for him to jump back in. So anyway - was very cautious and held back even with the first kiss. Which he actually questioned me on. After 3 weeks I stayed over at his house for the first time and we did sleep together. I saw him the next weekend too and he confirmed he wanted to be exclusive and that I was his girlfriend. All this was fast and I kept telling him this. He kept saying that we have so much in common we did and that it had only been a month but it was longer really since we spent to much time together. He did all the right things in terms of calling, communicating, etc. The day after he pushed for exclusivity and me being his girlfriend, he switched his whole way of communicating and was really much more quiet and we didn't connect as much. He was going to see me that week, but I called him on Tuesday and asked him if we were on the same page about moving this forward at this point it had been a month and he said actually, no. And he actually said 'it's me not you' - I almost laughed, or maybe I did. Then he said that I should consider him a friend. Then we texted for 4 days and were going to speak on the phone and then he just dropped off. He knew I was a bit perturbed that it took him a month to realize he didn't want to change his schedule we could have worked that out - I am not a needy girlfriend - I lived an hour away from him, travel, have lots of friends, have a very very busy life etc. Anyway - he basically said that second weekend 'You are it - you're the one' - and then poof. I couldn't say all the exact why do men pull away after intimacy back to him but I was very loving and reciprocated and was there for him and told him I wanted to move forward - it was just hard for me to manage my feelings and go as quickly as he was going. My therapist said he got scared and freaked, and that is why he did what he did. In the meantime, I am left wondering what I did wrong. I had never had someone come on so strong and I honestly had never liked anyone that much, so quickly. We talked nonstop, had so much fun, were compatiable in so many ways - but the minute he got what he wanted me, exclusivity, a 'girlfriend' he didn't want it anymore. I am left with this weird feeling and he said we were going to talk over the weekend and he flaked. Do you think he just was using me for sex. It seemed really elaborate and drawn out. He asked me to meet his family one day but I couldn't because I was busy that night and had to go back home on the train. He asked me to meet his friends. I keep thinking I did something wrong to make his feelings switch. But if he really cared about me like he said, there wouldn't have been too much I could have done just within why do men pull away after intimacy few days. I have told a couple friends about this and they can't seem to pinpoint anything I did wrong. I mean even if I had been less available, it would have turned out to be the same thing - whenever we got to that point of commitment he would have balked. He talked about his mother a couple times over the month and some issues he was having with her - so I am wondering if this syncs with some of the things you mentioned above. I totally get the one night stand thing going dead right away - but this was way more than I have ever had in years with anyone. Well,Oliver I really don't feel like I am the problem, I think problem is with in them cause if you don't want someone to love and treat you good, I think they need to be checked, they want a woman that's immature like them,that don't know what real love is, that not wife material, likes to play games with the feelings, and they both stupid and they don't realize it until they are old and nobody wants them, that this is not the way a person is supposed to be treated, so I don't have to change who I am for stupid people like that I just get stronger and better and keep it moving cause they will remember me and how I treated them,what goes around always comes back around. Hello Deloris, if you have a pattern of attracting men like this, I would suggest you engage in some kind of inner reflection. The people we attract into our life don't just reflect what is going on in our mind, they also reflect what is going on in our body. What I would say to you is - do these men remind you of your father or another person who was around during your childhood. We are attracted to what is familiar and what is familiar is not always what is healthy. I have definitely had the majority of men reject love and affection for an obsession with a spoilt ex girlfriend who no longer wants them. While I agree with Oliver that it may be these men unconsciously searching for fellow immature characters, I'm not sure I agree that it automatically has to do with we women searching for our fathers especially provided that my own was a serial monogamist and had only dated one other woman before marrying my mother for life. I think it's more to do with our feminine nature desiring closeness and to nurture our partner, while he's too busy pining after something he can't have - because for many men, the unattainable is all that they value. Hello Sarit, it doesn't have to relate to a woman's father, it could be their mother or another figure around at the time. This is something that each person has to look into themselves and this takes self-honesty for one thing. And while you could put it down to your 'feminine nature', this doesn't put you in a position where you can change what is taking place. This outlook is likely to make you feel as though you are a victim of circumstances and that all men are the same. However,the people we attract into our life don't just show up out of nowhere; they are there because they are a match on some level. And if the same type of people continue to appear, that is likely to be a clear sign that one needs to look in their body and see what is going on. It is easy to point the figure but that wont change anything. What needs to be done and this is a lot harderis for one to look within. The mind can come up with all kinds of reasons and stories as to why something keeps happening. And while it is easier to do this in the short-term, it is simply going to create more pain in the long-term. The people we attract will only be as available as we are. Hello Skye, thank you for your feedback. I would say that the relationship has changed as a result of what has happened between you. It would be easy to say that it means this or it means that, but I could be way off. My suggestion would be to see if you can get in touch with him, and that way you can find out what is taking place. And if you cant do that, reflect on what has happened and listen to your intuition. I loved reading your article thanks for sharing it. My question is if a man is not intense and close the next day after sex has he was before the lead up to sex and their withdrawing is to bring some masculinity back to themselves is this not a nature progress for them to do. And if it leaves a woman feeling what the hell happened, where has this intense closeness gone. How do they both come back together to each other without blame and taking responsibility for how his withdrawal may have left the woman feeling confused and rejected because his need to get settled and go back into his masculinity. Your article is interesting but still have some questions. Strange thing is they still ask how are you doing but don't reply after that. Could it be they just pull away because they are only after sex. Hello Jen, thanks for getting in touch. I suppose its because at that stage they want something, and once they have got what they want, their interest is going to decline. There are going to be all kinds reasons why a man would pull away, as I said above. And one reason can be because they only want sex. Im a good person and all I want is a man to love me and I return that love to him. I keep going back to this man who is wrong for me but I cant stop seeing him. He and I have been on and off many times since I first met him. He's unstable with me and having a relatioship with me. I am afraid I cant let go but I dont chase him either. He usually textes me after a week to a months wait. He stood me up last saturday night after we had some why do men pull away after intimacy during the afternoon and I stiil havent hear from him since Saturday afternoon. I am afraid hes pulling his same old tricks. He lives with his mother and he hates it but he does nothing to save money to get his own place. Can I be hypnotized to get him out of my mind. Hi Oliver, Thank you for sharing this article. To be frank, I had no idea that it is so common and so many girls are going through the same problem and confusion that I went through. It has happened with me couple of times. Before having sex they were so nice to me and used call and text all the times, but after the sex they shut down so fast and badly that they were not even ready to have a 5 minutes conversation. Then I kept wondering and doubting myself, Did I do something wrong. I never heard from them again and it was as if none of it ever happened. Ive been dating a guy for 9 months no, he's had 2 bad and abusive relationships before me. We get along great, he calls me daily and we talk for hours why do men pull away after intimacy. Neither one of us is interested in marriage so that pressure is off the table for both of why do men pull away after intimacy. We've made it clear neither is sexually involved with anyone else even though we both have opposite gender friends. Where the confusion is for me is that every time we have sex I dont hear from him for a day. So basically we're in contact daily unless we have sex, then I don't hear from him the following day. I'm not sure why, he pleases me well in bed and I give him positive feedback that he's done a great job. Any insight as to a possible reason this could be happening. Btw, I also make sure to pleasure him in bed as well. Hello Katherine, it sounds like a number of things took place. Clearly, he had stuff going on and this caused him to pull away. At the same time, it sounds like you went against your own needs by allowing it to develop so fast. My suggestion would be to look at how you feel with intimacy. As there is the chance that you also have your own stuff to deal with. I had been friends with this guy for 8 years of which 5 years of that, we've been very close. He's a silly goofball but very private about his relationships. He'd always tease me about my ex boyfriends and since maybe he looks at me like one of the boys who get along with our common why do men pull away after intimacy friends greatly, he's open about his naughty jokes to me. We're very close, atleast for me. There's only a few times that we will be together just the two of us, and this particular day our friends started teasing us. Days followed that i felt awkwardness between us both. And that awkwardness led to sex. We havent talked about it yet and as i've observed, he's pulling away. We're great friends but truth be told, there are risks in this kind of setup. I'm not sure if i should go talk to him about it because we might be both waiting or he just doesn't wanna complicate it more than we mutually know it is already. I've been sort of dating this guy since May, however, we hadn't seen each of since 87 and have shared some happy moments together since rekindling. Well, last night we accidentally slept together. He immediately left there mafter and said that he felt awful because he wasn't ready for sex to happen. He texted me saying: Bae, I'm home. I didn't respond because I was asleep and woke up to a second text saying: I won't bother you anymore.

This is the reason most men are not exactly touch-feely. She realized that when Jeff pulled away it was not her fault. While it can seem like men only want physical pleasure, what most really crave is a woman who reaches them on a deep and profound level. Confusion So if a woman does end up feeling a deeper connection, with the expectation that the man will experience the same thing, it can be confusing for the man to more or less disappear. And yeah, of course, guys want sex, so if you think that sex is the only bargaining chip you have then you will always feel paranoid about men using you. I was once in a very abusive relationship. We havent talked about it yet and as i've observed, he's pulling away. From what I experienced and noticed around me, those who complain about neediness of others the most, usually have committment issues and get freaked out about completely normal behaviour of interested person.